I wish there was an amusing story I could tell that related to these Nanaimo bars. The fact is, everything went really smoothly when I made them and because I had some time off from work, I even managed to complete the task a few weeks ago (instead of last-minute, as is my more typical modus operandi).

Some months I have a sort of love-hate relationship happening with Daring Bakers challenges and there have been many times where I’ve contemplated relinquishing my membership, what with the demands of work and life stretching me both time and energy-wise.

It is both a negative and positive fact that I also sometimes find myself faced with recipes I wouldn’t normally contemplate making. Some people consider this A Good Thing and I’m one of these people. I don’t mind being taken out of my comfort zone and can honestly say that with every challenge so far, I’ve learned something new.

Besides, did I mention that I also love baking? I relish the opportunity to discuss ingredients and techniques with like-minded enthusiasts and love any excuse to scurry into the kitchen to make something I can later share with friends.

At some point however, I know I’ll have to face reality and accept that I’m not managing my time smartly. At some point, I’ll have to make the ‘sensible’ decision.

But right now, I’m having too much fun and don’t think I’m quite ready to give it up yet.

The January 2010 Daring Bakers’ challenge was hosted by Lauren of Celiac Teen. Lauren chose Gluten-Free Graham Wafers and Nanaimo Bars as the challenge for the month. The sources she based her recipe on are 101 Cookbooks and www.nanaimo.ca.

For Gluten-Free Graham Wafers
Ingredients
138g sweet rice flour/glutinous rice flour
100g tapioca starch/flour
65g sorghum flour (or brown rice flour)
200g dark brown sugar, lightly packed
1 teaspoon baking soda
3/4 teaspoon kosher salt
100g unsalted butter (cut into 1-inch cubes and frozen)
80ml honey, mild-flavoured
75 ml whole milk
2 tablespoons (30 mL) pure vanilla extract

Directions:
1. In the bowl of a food processor fitted with a steel blade, combine the flours, brown sugar, baking soda, and salt. Pulse on low to incorporate. Add the butter and pulse on and off, until the mixture is the consistency of a coarse meal.
2. In a small bowl or liquid measuring cup, whisk together the honey, milk and vanilla. Add to the flour mixture until the dough barely comes together. It will be very soft and sticky.
3. Turn the dough onto a surface well-floured with sweet rice flour and pat the dough into a rectangle about 1 inch thick. Wrap in plastic and chill until firm, about 2 hours, or overnight.
4. Divide the dough in half and return one half to the refrigerator. Sift an even layer of sweet rice flour onto the work surface and roll the dough into a long rectangle, about 1/8 inch thick. The dough will be quite sticky, so flour as necessary. Cut into 4 by 4 inch squares. Gather the scraps together and set aside. Place wafers on one or two parchment-lined baking sheets. Chill until firm, about 30 to 45 minutes. Repeat with the second batch of dough.
5. Adjust the rack to the upper and lower positions and preheat oven to 180’C.
6. Gather the scraps together into a ball, chill until firm, and reroll. Dust the surface with more sweet rice flour and roll out the dough to get a couple more wafers.
7. Prick the wafers with toothpick or fork, not all the way through, in two or more rows.
8. Bake for 25 minutes, until browned and slightly firm to the touch, rotating sheets halfway through to ensure even baking.
9. When cooled completely, place enough wafers in food processor to make 1 ¼ cups of crumbs.

Nanaimo Bars
Ingredients:
For Nanaimo Bars — Bottom Layer
115g unsalted butter
50g granulated sugar
5 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa
1 large egg, beaten
1 1/4 cups gluten free graham wafer crumbs (See previous recipe)
55g almonds, finely chopped
130g shredded coconut

For Nanaimo Bars — Middle Layer
115g unsalted butter
40ml heavy cream
2 tablespoons vanilla custard powder
254g icing sugar

For Nanaimo Bars — Top Layer
115g semi-sweet chocolate
28g unsalted butter

Directions:
1. For bottom Layer: Melt unsalted butter, sugar and cocoa in top of a double boiler. Add egg and stir to cook and thicken. Remove from heat. Stir in crumbs, nuts and coconut. Press firmly into an ungreased 8 by 8 inch pan.
2. For Middle Layer: Cream butter, cream, custard powder, and icing sugar together well. Beat until light in colour. Spread over bottom layer.
3. For Top Layer: Melt chocolate and unsalted butter over low heat. Cool. Once cool, pour over middle layer and chill.

I have a new little helper at work. She has been struggling a little bit, since she is relatively new to this kind of job. As a consequence, I have been putting in extra hours and trying to be more patient. Over time, I hope the patience pays off and that she is able to step up and exceed expectations. With a team consisting of just two people, there is no where to hide and no one to hide behind.

Since I’ve been observing her for the past couple of weeks, I have started to reminisce about what it was like for me when I started out. It hasn’t been a very long travelled road of manning pots and pans or whipping egg whites, because I started cooking later than most. Armed with just a desire to learn how to cook, and knowing nothing at all about the industry, I remember rocking up to my first kitchen trial without any knives or uniform. Pretty naive of me, now that I think about it.

Shuna of Eggbeater has written more comprehensively about such things before. However, it still got me thinking about the things I had learned/realised (mostly in retrospect) along the way.

First and foremost (and as cliched as it sounds), you have to really want the job. I remember the head chef saying just that to me during the interview for my previous job. I also remember thinking at the time, what a ridiculous statement. Of course I want the job! I’m applying to work with one of the most amazing pastry chefs in the country. What’s not to want?

That last job was one of the hardest and best experiences of my life. Every day for the first month or two, I wanted to give up. I saw more people come and go than I could remember faces and names. Some packed up and disappeared in the middle of a busy service. Others just didn’t turn up one day. A few were courteous enough to give notice.

Once I just faced facts and accepted that it’s going to be hard, I kept my head down and worked as hard as I could. Tears might happen and defeat might appear imminent, but know that it is worth it, if you stick with it. Some of the most talented chefs I know are a little cocky and arrogant. A little self confidence helps when you are captain of a big ship, but when you’re starting out with a new crew, you have to be prepared to swallow your pride a little.

You should be the first one in and the last one out. Do more than is expected of you. Ask questions, but know when the right time is to ask them. Invest as much time in the place as the place is investing in you. If you contribute enough, you will find that people around you are more willing to share their knowledge. In a busy kitchen, no one has time for you unless you are useful to them. In a busy kitchen, you are either going to be chewed up and spat out, or you will gain an experience you will treasure for the rest of your life. The outcome, is up to you.

But, you really have to want it.

(Recipe to follow)

While out running today, I caught a glimpse of the perfect wisp of a cloud. It trailed like the fabric of a dress and hung in the sky, glowing with the orange of a setting sun. I can’t adequately express the emotions I felt when I saw this cloud, but it made me think that one day I would like to create a dessert that could elicit a similar reaction.

In the meantime, I have this strawberry dessert that seems to be missing a certain something, though I can’t decide what it is. It has strawberries, marinated in a little sugar, rhubarb strips lightly cooked in gingerbeer, gingerbeer jelly, some frosted pistachios, coconut snow and a scoop of lychee sorbet. It is light and refreshing with a faint hint of ginger from the jelly, which ties all the elements together. Yet, something in the back of my mind tells me that it’s incomplete.

Maybe it’s just a symptom of this general disatisfaction I’m feeling at the moment. There are currently aspects of my life that concern me but thankfully there are also certain people around I can talk to or have a laugh with, which enables me to stand back for a moment and think (with a little humour), How on earth did I get myself into this situation?

I was reminded of it when I read Helen’s recent post, and while my concerns pale in comparison to hers, I feel as though I can relate. So, I’m dedicating this post to her with hope that it will brighten up her day a little.