A very good friend has been complaining about being single. Her objection to spinsterhood (plus one cat) stems mostly from the fact she feels as though she has done everything expected in life – education, job, own home, own car – and yet there is still one thing that remains so elusive – a relationship. Commit to doing all the right things and happiness will follow? So not true, she grumbled.

I guess I could’ve given her the spiel about how some things take time. That we often place greater value on what we don’t have, rather than what we already have. I could’ve said a million things and sprouted enough catch phrases to fill three self-help books, but it seemed as though this was one of those times where all you’re expected to do is listen. If we’re lucky, age and experience eventually fills in the gaps where advice from friends have failed.

I was once lucky enough to work for an amazing chef whose technique still influences me to this day. There was a piece of advice she gave me out of the blue one day, that really stuck with me (though I didn’t realise it at the time). She said, Never be afraid to ask for what you’re worth. It has taken almost five years for this to sink in. It wasn’t about suddenly gaining a measure of self-worth. I think I finally remembered that I had value.

No one is going to evaluate you like a piece of furniture or a 3-bedroom house. Self-worth is something you have to price for yourself, not forgetting that happiness does not automatically follow.

Incidentally, I know a good looking 30-something female with a steady career and wide circle of friends who is looking for a similar guy with a long term relationship in mind. Know any one suitable? Drop me a line.

Amaranth “Happiness” Candy :
(recipe from My Sweet Mexico by Fany Gerson)

1/2 cup chopped toasted pecans
1/2 cup lightly toasted peanuts
1/2 cup dark raisins
1/2 cup lightly toasted pumpkin seeds [I used sunflower seeds]
8 ounces chopped piloncillo [I used 200g brown sugar]
1/2 cup honey
1/2 teaspoon freshly squeezed lemon or lime juice
4 ounces puffed amaranth seeds [I used 120g]

Line a baking tray with parchment paper. Combine the pecans, peanuts, raisins and pumpkin seeds in a bowl and spread on the prepared pan.

Combine the piloncillo, honey and lemon juice in a medium pot over medium heat and cook until the piloncillo has melted and the mixture has thickened slightly, 5 to 10 minutes. Remove from the heat and add the amaranth seeds, stirring quickly to mix everything well. Pour into the pan with the nuts and seeds, and carefully press down with slightly damp hands (so you don’t burn yourself) to compact the mixture.

Allow to cool completely, 30 to 40 minutes at least, then invert onto a cutting board. Cut the mixture into the desired shapes with a sharp knife. If it seems to be sticking to the knife, simply dip the knife into hot water, dry, and continue cutting.

Another year, another gateau. Baked, iced and ceremoniously divided into thick slabs. We forked it over cups of tea, sitting next to a gas heater set on high. I couldn’t help but smile that chocolate-stained smile that always makes him shake his head and laugh.

Another year, another birthday. While swilling a glass of red over dinner with friends, he declared, “I don’t feel any older”.

Well, what a relief, I thought. Because, I secretly do. And with every passing year, that creeping fear that I’m no closer to realising where I want to be or what I want to be doing.

But I do love birthdays, if not mine. So with wine, and a 10-course meal (with a friend who cheekily wants to tell the waiter that she’s allergic to micro herbs), and later bundled with giggles and wobbly heels into a cab, I’m happy we’re all a year older. Or is that a year younger?

When it comes to birthdays, the devil is never in the detail.

Devil’s Food Cake :
(adapted from a recipe in Baker & Spice by Dan Lepard and Richard Whittington)

150g 70% bittersweet chocolate, chopped
100g caster sugar
125ml milk
40g cocoa powder
3 eggs separated + 1 egg yolk
160g unsalted butter, softened
85g brown sugar
225g plain flour
1 teaspoon sea salt
1 teaspoon bicarbonate of soda
170g plain yogurt

Preheat the oven to 170’C. Butter and line two 23cm springform cake tins.

Put the chocolate, caster sugar, milk, cocoa powder and 2 egg yolks in a bowl set over simmering water. Stir until chocolate has just melted, then remove from heat and set aside.

In the bowl of an electric mixer, beat the butter with the brown sugar until light and fluffy. Beat in the remaining 2 egg yolks, then the flour, salt and bicarbonate of soda. Fold in the chocolate mixture followed by the yogurt. In another bowl, whisk the egg whites until firm and fold this through the cake mixture.

Divide the mixture between the 2 tins and lightly smooth the top. Bake in the centre of the oven for 30-35 minutes or until a skewer inserted into a cake comes out clean. Allow the cakes to completely cool before icing.

For the icing :

200g 70% bittersweet chocolate, chopped
25g cocoa powder
80ml hot water
1 tablespoon golden syrup
45g unsalted butter, softened
100g icing sugar, sifted
1 egg yolk

Melt the chocolate in a bowl over simmering water. In a small bowl, combine the cocoa powder, golden syrup and water. Add this to the melted chocolate and whisk until combined. Remove from the heat and whisk in the butter, icing sugar and egg yolk. You can add more icing sugar than the recommended amount if you wish. Chill this mixture until it is thick and spreadable.

While making these Finnish cookies the other day, I was reminded of the butter cookies of my childhood. It’s funny to think about it now, but when we were growing up, there was nothing more chic than receiving a gift of store-bought Danish butter cookies in their trademark round blue tin. Each type of cookie was stacked in little paper cups and my favourites were the plain round ones studded with very dry, chewy currants and a piped cookie topped with granulated sugar.

I was never really good at pacing myself when it came to munching cookies, so if you were in the house at the time, you may have caught me making many sneaky trips into the kitchen to pinch just one more snack from the tin. And if you were really clever (unlike me), you’d take a different cookie each time so the stacks of cookies always appeared unchanged, thus preventing you from getting into trouble for pilfering.

But I never was wily enough in that regard. Instead, I resolved to learn how to bake, so I could eat more cookies!

These Finnish teaspoon cookies are as homely looking as they are memorable. Very, in both regards. Make a batch of these and sneak at least one from the kitchen per day.

Finnish Teaspoon Cookies (Lusikkaleivät) :
(makes 4 dozen cookies; the measurements are in US cup measures; from The Great Scandinavian Baking Book by Beatrice Ojakangas)

1 cup unsalted butter
3/4 cup sugar
3 teaspoons vanilla
2 cups plain flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 egg yolk
strawberry jam [I used cherry jam]
icing sugar

In a small heavy saucepan, brown the butter over medium to low heat until it is a pale tan colour. Cool. Pour into a mixing bowl. Stir in the sugar and vanilla. Combine flour and baking soda and gradually add to the butter mixture. Stir until the mixture is uniformly crumbly. Blend in the egg yolk and knead until dough is smooth.

Preheat oven to 160’C. To shape a cookie, press dough firmly into a teaspoon. Tap side of spoon onto a lined baking sheet to gently remove the shaped cookie. Bake for 6 to 8 minutes until just barely browned. Allow to cool right on the baking sheet.

Spread jam on the flat side of each cookie. Add a second cookie to form an almond-shaped sandwich. Using a sieve, dust the cookies with powdered sugar. The flavor improves after the cookies have been stored at least 2 days, and they can be frozen.