A very good friend has been complaining about being single. Her objection to spinsterhood (plus one cat) stems mostly from the fact she feels as though she has done everything expected in life – education, job, own home, own car – and yet there is still one thing that remains so elusive – a relationship. Commit to doing all the right things and happiness will follow? So not true, she grumbled.
I guess I could’ve given her the spiel about how some things take time. That we often place greater value on what we don’t have, rather than what we already have. I could’ve said a million things and sprouted enough catch phrases to fill three self-help books, but it seemed as though this was one of those times where all you’re expected to do is listen. If we’re lucky, age and experience eventually fills in the gaps where advice from friends have failed.
I was once lucky enough to work for an amazing chef whose technique still influences me to this day. There was a piece of advice she gave me out of the blue one day, that really stuck with me (though I didn’t realise it at the time). She said, Never be afraid to ask for what you’re worth. It has taken almost five years for this to sink in. It wasn’t about suddenly gaining a measure of self-worth. I think I finally remembered that I had value.
No one is going to evaluate you like a piece of furniture or a 3-bedroom house. Self-worth is something you have to price for yourself, not forgetting that happiness does not automatically follow.
Incidentally, I know a good looking 30-something female with a steady career and wide circle of friends who is looking for a similar guy with a long term relationship in mind. Know any one suitable? Drop me a line.
Amaranth “Happiness” Candy :
(recipe from My Sweet Mexico by Fany Gerson)
1/2 cup chopped toasted pecans
1/2 cup lightly toasted peanuts
1/2 cup dark raisins
1/2 cup lightly toasted pumpkin seeds [I used sunflower seeds]
8 ounces chopped piloncillo [I used 200g brown sugar]
1/2 cup honey
1/2 teaspoon freshly squeezed lemon or lime juice
4 ounces puffed amaranth seeds [I used 120g]
Line a baking tray with parchment paper. Combine the pecans, peanuts, raisins and pumpkin seeds in a bowl and spread on the prepared pan.
Combine the piloncillo, honey and lemon juice in a medium pot over medium heat and cook until the piloncillo has melted and the mixture has thickened slightly, 5 to 10 minutes. Remove from the heat and add the amaranth seeds, stirring quickly to mix everything well. Pour into the pan with the nuts and seeds, and carefully press down with slightly damp hands (so you don’t burn yourself) to compact the mixture.
Allow to cool completely, 30 to 40 minutes at least, then invert onto a cutting board. Cut the mixture into the desired shapes with a sharp knife. If it seems to be sticking to the knife, simply dip the knife into hot water, dry, and continue cutting.